throwing spaghetti against the wall
it's a goddamn sticky mess but this is the way
feeling the breeze from the fan on my face first thing this morning in our new apartment and giving words to the sensation… lush, soothing, playful… my 5am brain whirred with the energy of 1000 bees; or more realistically the reverb of the last 589 days.
like so many of us, these most recent two and a half years have taught me so much about fear, destruction, rehabilitation, confrontation, care, grief, abundance, boundaries, healing, rest, trust, true love… giving up the thing i must even though its a thing i love in order to create space for something new, something my future self loves even more…
— i cannot possibly explain how i know that to be true except its just a feeling in my bones saying ‘yes, yes, this is the way.’ —
and perhaps the greatest theme of… my life… but particularly the most highlighted in this season: creativity. being the soft, yet driving current that flows under, above and all around every other life lesson, creativity and its pervasive mystery keeps me always, probably forever, on my toes, ready for anything, and peeking over and around trying to seeing the magic as it happens knowing that the magic is really already right here.
there is a guiding force out there in the real world— behind the scenes of the screens we spend so much of our time steeping in. the force, if you will— also known as: the muse, god, the universe, energy, prana, magnetism, clarity, inspiration, divine, magic.
it’s embedded into the hardwiring of whatever you want to call this thing that we’re living in.
for example: IT is the reason the trees are green and the sky is blue; and wow those two colors look so refreshing and energized when you look up and see them in the heavy heat of late august.
IT is what sparks that little flame inside that opens your eyes in the morning to see the sun shining through the blinds and whispers: let’s go! it’s time to get up! let’s see what’s out there today!
… so… creativity… well, creativity is the intervention of this mystical phenomenon. it’s what we call that stunning tree/sky color combo and that amplified spark that makes us wanna play with the day.
creativity is the primary personality trait of the force (or whatever you want to call it) and its purpose is to be used. at least, this is my shorthand philosophy of it.
so when it comes, let it come.
when it flows, let it flow.
when it wakes you up at 5am saying ‘let’s start a new blog and talk about this relationship to creativity situation you’ve been having’, let it have its way; grab a cup of coffee, sit your ass on the couch, and do the thing.
even if it doesn’t make sense. even if it’s not what you should be doing. even if it takes you all morning. or afternoon. or week. or year. or decade. or lifetime.
let the force guide you and keep throwing the spaghetti against the wall. let it be messy. see what sticks. leave the rest— for now.
most of my life has just been that— throwing spaghetti around at the floors, the ceiling, the walls. seeing what sticks… and for how long… and leaving the rest… and paying attention to when it’s time to clean up and go home.
i often give myself a hard time for being a throw-the-spaghetti-against-the-wall type of person because in a world of social media influencer culture content creators if you don’t know what you’re selling and if you’re not selling it all the time, then you are… as my friend Kate would say… lé fucked.
but it’s really unfair when i’m hard on myself about that because who the fuck cares whether i’m a writer or an artist or a musician or an interpretive dancer or a graphic designer or a chef or all of the above or none of the above depending on the day?
probably the most important lesson in life is to make yourself available to it. so i’m throwing more spaghetti against the wall here.
almost a year ago i decided to start writing my first book. present word count: couldn’t tell ya. it’s been a maddening tornado of self-discovery, practice, and realizing just how limiting i am on myself.
about six months ago i said to myself, i’m going to have to write a book about writing a book just as soon as i finish writing this book!
but why should i wait?
creativity is a mesmerizing mystery— and yet!— the creative process itself is not pure magic. we are human— being human, doing human things— and that means that our relationship to creation involves a process; one that i am excited to share my experience of here with you.
expect to hear from me on friday mornings. as always, take what you need and leave the rest. thank you for being here.
and remember:
make yourself like a bowl of spaghetti! ready for eating, enjoying, and sprinkling with deliciously salty parmesan.
✨ Inspiring ✨ me this week:
nature views! my partner and i moved into a new apartment and we can see the mountains and a lake from our couch 😍
designing fun things like this mug sketch for our upcoming wedding celebration on my ipad:
